Why I’m Back on Facebook

“You have to get offline. I‚Äôll say it again. You HAVE GOT TO GET OFFLINE. YOU HAVE TO GET F***ING OFF F***ING LINE.”¬† – advice from legendary E. Jean Carroll, of Ask E. Jean, America’s longest currently running advice column

Better advice could not be more emphatically expressed. I took it to heart for 4 months. 4 months of purposeful separation, living life offline, unplugged…or at least as unplugged as life can be when you have a smart phone and still tweet and email and you know, do almost everything except Facebook + Instagram. Still, give a girl some credit: pulling the plug on Facebook was a big deal, kind of like moving to a desert island. I even wrote a goodbye letter.¬† (melodramatic twentysomething)

I remained pretty social on the island. Before I knew it, 3 months had gone by. One night I thought about the social network and tried to log back in. There were several tell-tale signs I had been gone for a while; for one, I couldn’t remember my log-in. My web history was clogged with news articles instead of the usual Facebook photo albums and in fact I momentarily forgot who some people in those albums even were. Months before, merely typing www—>> triggered automatic completion of “site-thou-shall-not-be-named”.com, and now… LinkedIn has replaced it as the most frequently visited site. If ever there were a sign of professional maturity (or boringness)…

Upon sailing Home a few days ago, Facebook almost seemed foreign, like returning to college after being abroad for a couple months. Soon, though, the falsely jolly, slickly disingenuous first-world details that had ceased to exist during my time away came trickling back into consciousness. Bloop! There went the little red notification. And here we go again…

Ignorance is bliss, I had told myself. But what I’ve realized is that the problem was never really about Facebook or the technology or all the obnoxious statuses out there; the problem was me. I needed to clear out my own cache of judgement.


I deactivated my Facebook and Instagram accounts on 12/12/12. Since it was supposedly the end of the world, I decided to enter the ‘new’ world with a clean slate. I wanted to return to the root of being social without the distraction of a buzzing phone, without feeling compelled to take pictures of my brunch, and without the aid of a red Facebook notification to alter my serotonin level. I entered detox mode.

My primary justification was personal. I thought that my personhood – the very root of my identity – had been reduced to a set of data points on Facebook. I was living my life out online. How could I allow a single website to simplify my life to a bunch of photos, text, and information? It was naval-gazing for sure, but I couldn’t shake it. ¬†So, I left to return to my offline roots but not before posting a status on Facebook asking people to send me their email; I would write occasionally with life updates, philosophical meanderings, and other angsty Thought Catalog-like topics. Several people did reach out and I was happy to keep my social network limited to these newfound thought followers, family, and close friends. It was my way of keeping in touch.

Life offline was revolutionary & simple. It gave me greater appreciation for things beyond the digital realm such as parks, museums, and coffee shops with no wi-fi. I spent a month at home in Tennessee, a month in San Francisco, another month eating a bunch of really really good food for my job back in New York. Normally, I’d be sharing & posting like it was my job but I restrained. I just ate, just observed, just explored. The ‘justs’ were more than enough. No one was validating the awesomeness of my adventure, so I could focus on the actual act of exploring. It was great. There were moments when I wondered if I was missing out (and for sure, I later found out there was A LOT) but I was aware of the really important things.¬† In fact I remember secretly gloating that I knew about the new Pope before some of my Facebook-hounding friends did.¬† (Twitter – 1, Facebook – 0)

Ultimately, however, I discovered a glaringly simple truth through deeper offline conversations : we’re lonely. Some more than others, but at the end of the day, it’s a large reason why social networks like Facebook and Twitter have taken off. Introvert or extrovert, we’re all searching for some form of connection.

Yet connection is thrown around like free lunch these days. Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook mission, “to make the world more open and connected” is noble. But just like lunch, real connection never comes free. You don’t amass friends and spit stuff into the never-ending stream of content and expect connection to magically appear. (You also don’t sell that information to marketers, but that’s another topic for another day.) Facebook is not the magic ingredient. If we truly want connection, we must first change ourselves.

When I logged back onto Facebook a few days ago, updating my profile with an affirming Facebook status “They always come back”, I found myself digging back into connections – weak, strong, and the many in-betweens. While catching up with the lives of those I had almost forgotten about, I was reminded of life’s continuous march. Over the course of our lives, things happen, people change. In this digital age, social platforms are there to document it all. While I traveled coast to coast, going from San Francisco to New York, life for others did not stop and wait for me to press ‘play’ to be reenacted. People continued to post, comment, like, and tag whether I was there to participate or not. I had missed a Canadian friend’s trip to New York with her band. I had missed lovely photos from an acquaintance’s wedding. I had no idea the company I worked for had uploaded and tagged an embarrassingly hilarious video of me. (Self-scrutiny commence.)

Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that my view of personhood must evolve like the times. I am nostalgic for a Web that no longer exists. I’d like to think of myself, as author Zadie Smith puts it, “a private person, a person who is a mystery, to the world and to herself.”¬† But I am naive. I’ve taken 4 months time (and an entire Facebook timeline of inner sciamachy) to set aside this identity crisis. I come back because I want to write. Truthfully. Part of that means knowing people. Social media is a way to be part of a conversation you’re creating together with fellow beings. For all its clutter, social media can be rich and multi-faceted. On other days, it can be also be self-glorifying, artificial, and so damn annoying that I wonder if I should just disconnect again.

But that’s life. Life is not always beautiful. Take it or leave it; I choose to take it. Not being on social media means I will simply know less about what is going on with other people.¬† That is not a bad thing. But even so, I firmly believe humans are not made to be fully removed from each other, whether that is physically or virtually. Do you want to participate and steer the conversation toward good? Yesterday’s Boston Marathon terror serves as an example. People gathered updates and news real-time to help those in need. ¬†Coverage through social media was a mix of qualitative and informative, creating a complete (while heartbreaking) picture of the unfolding scene. The Internet, if we choose, really can be a useful tool for good.

For all its good, though, we must be reminded that the data points we generate can underrepresent reality. Living offline is messier and more complex. Walking away from social media, at times, is not necessarily practical, as we live in an age where many of our communities and lives are built on these platforms. So what I’m granting myself is an approach, a mindset: one of connection rather than comparison. It’s easy to look at the filtered photos and artuflly written statuses as gunk that clogs our news feed. But lighten up. On the days you peer into the screen of your laptop and simply can’t find any semblance of relation to your perfectly posed fellow human beings, just remember that what you see is a mere half-reality and carefully selected portion of life. Life isn’t simply the story you tell about yourself on the Internet. It’s merely one of many.

This is my relapse. I’m back to listen, contribute, and document the evolution of our virtual selves. This time, I realize I am not above it all. While I can’t promise zero judgment, I welcome your sharing. In a sense, I agree with Zuckerberg: our selves evolve and like it or not, it’s a story worthy capturing.

Goodbye, Facebook.

After Wednesday, I will be off the Facebook hook for good.

This is landmark. If this was a status, it would say: END OF AN ERA. ¬†After all, this will affect 1,823 “friends” I’ve amassed since senior year of high school!

How it will actually play out: A small percentage of friends will notice a reduction in friend count but likely won’t be able to pinpoint which scumbag dared to de-friend them. Realistically, my “disappearance’ will be just one less data point on the marketers’ social graph.

Friend count and marketing tool aside, I am still somewhat sad. Not because I’m losing 1,823 friends and therefore getting less popular (although that is a very real concern as well). It’s sad because in a small trivial way, I will no longer have digital proof of social status. Sure, I’ll text and send emails and randomly publish works on my blog but that’s all so…boring. Where else on the web can I find photos of my underage drunk out-of-my-ass self¬† wearing a pirate costume, shouting that I want to barf into a cake box? Where are those mushy gushy high school wall posts from my current big-time dental school friend telling me she misses me soooo much and that I’m the bestttt and “omg I love you!!!!!!” (sorry Anne <3<3 <3) Where else can I surreptitiously look up an office crush and get the real dish on his dealings outside of the cubicle? Hard to find on LinkedIn or Gmail.

Oh voyeurism. How I crave juice and junk. Facebook has filled that need. But now it’s time to get healthy.

Heretofore, my primary reason for remaining on Facebook has been to keep in touch.¬† It’s been my visual Rolodex of contacts- 5% kindred souls, 83% lukewarm acquaintances, 8% stalking bait, and 4% ‘wait-who-are-you-again?’¬†Furthermore, recently when I started managing social media for companies, I was given a professional reason to be social. “You can’t be a real business without being on the network” “post relevant content” “engage” “meet the users where they are” blah blah blah.

I get it. Facebook is important and I’m going to lose digital klout. But I’m willing to sacrifice that in return for…competence. I entered college without a facebook: very focused, undistracted, and with fewer friends. I graduated college with a busy Facebook: many friends, greater social acuity, and…a distracted mind.¬† Which is better?

I’m at the age where I need to focus on honing skills and contributing to the productive half of society. Facebook was and is good for validating the importance of socially undeveloped people, which I very much was.¬† But I’d like to think I’ve grown up. I’m realizing that just because people “like” my filtered, artfully-taken vintage photo, doesn’t mean that I have accomplished anything meaningful.

Still, I am grateful.  Over the course of 5.5 years, those likes, comments, and flood of birthday wall posts did wonders for my ego. That red notification symbol meant so much more than an additional like. To a 20-year old, it was validation that people cared, that something I did mattered, that I was someone worthy of liking (even if what I posted was actually a quote I copied from Tumblr). And yes, the fact that my old high school crush liked it meant that there totally was hope for us getting together.

Pathetic as it sounds, that’s life. Ultimately, not much changes from the old school yard. What we want is to simply feel included. Facebook facilitates that, however superficial, in a remarkable way.

So, why am I leaving? I have a life to live.¬†I feel included enough. I can keep sharing more and more. Here I am ‚ÄĒ the posts and pics say ‚ÄĒ a being not anonymous but alive. I overshare therefore I am.

Or I can simply be.

A Manifesto

To those who read the following in its entirety, thank you.  This is not intended to be a monologue but a conversation. In an attempt to practice the collaboration I write about, I welcome all comments- positive or negative Рbecause they are the only way to combat my individual bias. Regardless, thanks for entertaining.



I sit at my computer periodically to compose my thoughts.¬† I do this because most of the time my thoughts are an unintelligible mishmash and therefore cannot legitimately be considered thought.¬† It takes a good amount of ‘me’ time to carefully sift through and transcribe my neurotic ideas to decide whether they are even worthy of the word, or simply bull. Call it naval-gazing, but it is a necessity.

I’m not here to complain about my poor brain’s strain from our overstimulated environment, and be labeled a philosophizing, good-for-nothing hippie. Unless my nostalgic soul actually decides to defy modern civilization and frolic in the fields (which would be great but I’d severely miss my iPhone), I’m stuck with the present life of chatter and noise.

Or am I? My musing today brings an idea that involves reengineering our environment to filter out the haze, one where we can breathe long uninterrupted gulps of fresh insight without being engulfed by dirty thought pollution.

I use this analogy to draw attention to the other environment that is being decimated as we graze the digital sphere: our mind.¬† I opened my clean word processor to write this post but not before checking Facebook, mindlessly flitting between profiles that say a lot of nothing, including my own.¬† It’s the soda of our information diet.¬† Sweetening and yummy- despite zero calories and no sugar!- yet ultimately a nutritionally empty concoction.

I think we deserve better. And by that, I mean a better time-waster.

I often think about how to live a perfect life imperfectly.¬† It’s unrealistic to be a 24/7 carrot-eating, Economist-reading, productive machine when cat videos and Ben & Jerry’s lie waiting.¬† It’s more fun to have our cake and eat it too. But couldn’t our indulgence involve something more exciting than glancing through photos of people whose lives are obviously so much cooler than ours. Facebook makes me feel lame and ugly when all these people I never talk to are always out and about taking beautiful pictures!


You are a mashup of what you let into your life.” We are what we eat and our creations are unique manifestations of our consumption, even during idle procrastinating time. ¬†So, wouldn’t it be nice to snack on something healthier?

Think of it as eating yogurt instead of ice cream, skim milk instead of whole, dark chocolate instead of white, wine instead of beer – just as tasty (if not more) and better for you!

Wasting time isn’t really wasting time if you’re learning and filling your mind with the right stuff. ¬† I see so much potential in our generation of Facebook gluttons.¬† Between amazing music remixes to crafty DIY projects or ingenious apps built by tech-savvy coders, amid the trolling, we are talented! Heck even those Shit “insert ethnic group with overused stereotypes” Say videos require a commendable level of creativity and wit; even Leonardo DaVinci would laugh.¬† Don’t get me wrong, I’m not confusing YouTube videos and tumblr reblogs with the resurgence of a creative class.¬† We have potential to be renaissance folks- academics/professionals by day, artists by night, Tebows on the weekend- but it is strictly potential until we actively do. To do, we need a platform to encourage creation and original thought, rather than passive sharing and reposting.¬† Ultimately, Facebook is just a sharing platform that reinforces old connections; nothing original comes out of it.

So imagine a platform that facilitates new connections, that bombards us not with images from last week’s drunken glory but with ideas, creations, substance; then fosters connections that enable us to collaborate on projects of mutual interest. Better yet, what if that type of platform stuck like candy? Talk about a good vice.

If we continue consuming this syrupy social facebook, our potential remains simply potential. We will be known as generation stuck. There are so many people graduating from college unsure of what to do and fearful of going after what they really love, what they really care about.¬† If you like dancing, well go the heck ahead and continue dancing. Knock the world’s socks off. Financial concerns are understandable but with today’s technological tools, there exists a wealth of information online to enhance your trade, and with a bit of savvy marketing, you have all the resources at your disposal to make something of your interest at minimal cost.¬† Content production, distribution, and monetization tools are becoming democratized through the web, enabling anyone to reach and build an audience directly through push-button creation and distribution.¬†¬†

To take this further, imagine a world where bloggers, producers, dynamic artists create their own curriculum, one that consists of a compilation of their interests, connections, and actual projects.

For instance, my curriculum would look something like this:

 I know I want to learn about everything related to storytelling, education, and digital media. 

To enhance my knowledge, I would actively produce and follow relevant content.¬† I would publish my stories, digital media pieces, and write thoughtful commentary on education issues.¬† These would be posted on my page as a knowledge portfolio/blog of sorts, demonstration of my expertise. ¬†I would also repost what I consider to be relevant material to the subject.¬† This would be helpful to others also interested in learning about the topic. If they deem my portfolio useful, they could follow my “content package”.

I, too, have the choice of following people whose work I admire, gaining insight into where they get inspiration from, the books they read, and a direct understanding of what goes into their work.  I can easily reach out to them for input on best practices and tips.  Better yet, with a little bit of proof that my work is up to par (as displayed on my page) collaboration is possible! 



I envision a world where we each create content for others to follow- not just status updates and photos- but real meaningful content.¬† I believe we each have talents. We create. We are artists. We are teachers. ¬†On this theoretical platform, users create content packages. You gain followers, not based on friendships or acquaintanceship, but by the substance of your work and the things you choose to publish.¬† You follow people for their “expertise”, their lesson plans, the packages they create.

Of course, this is all still a bit of a utopian shell in my mind. There are many holes and flaws in the proposition.¬† How is this different from Tumblr? And how do you actually get people to actively produce, connect, follow, and collaborate? Doing this requires a shift from thinking “I’m going online to mindlessly browse through people’s photos” to “I’m going online to create something, to learn, to write a meaningful post about the Middle East filled with thoughtful analysis that others can glean insight from.”¬† The former is a lot easier. The latter takes motivation, a lot more than some may have.

Such a platform is not for the faint of mind.¬† But I never said this would be easy.¬† This is where my thoughts go. ¬†I can’t do it alone. Only¬†we together can build something great.

– –

Email: lynneguey@gmail.com

Or Tweet Me: @heyguey

Democracy’s Greatest Force

Could modern democracy’s greatest force be the Internet and Social Media? ¬†More than elections, a governing body, and live town hall meetings? ¬†The world must really be coming to an end. ¬†The cyber world is emerging as a force to reckon with when battling the new democratic wave.

Okay, perhaps crowning the Internet ¬†as democracy’s greatest force is a slight exaggeration. ¬†Some people are calling the latest Egypt demonstrations as a direct product of the Twitter and Facebook Revolution. ¬†But, as FastCompany.com wrote, “Certainly, it takes a lot more than the 21st century version of a communication system to persuade people to take to the streets and risk harm, imprisonment, or death.” ¬†Fair elections, a responsible governing body, and civil discourse are still the essential keys a healthy democracy.

That said, social media played an integral role in the Egypt revolution.  Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube did not send people out into the streets, but they undeniably accelerated the process.

Here’s how:

Even before Egypt started blocking Twitter and Facebook, these tools were used to coordinate and spread the word about the demonstrations. Without social media, fewer people might have shown up and last Tuesday’s protests would likely be nothing more than a fading headline.  In this respect, social media served as an effective organizing tool.

Social media also helped exert pressure on Washington simply because it allowed information to flow out of Egypt at a fast pace. ¬†Since Washington is a close ally of Egypt, at any other time, it probably would have¬†spun the narrative in favor of the authority in power, in the interest of maintaining stability and its relationship. ¬†However, it would be foolish to ignore the endless details escaping the country. ¬†Whether they are truths, untruths, exaggerations, fallacies, opinions, or facts, no one can deny that a genuine uprising is taking place. Real time tweets (#egypt), live stream video, Facebook storytelling (Nick Kristof’s page), and Tumblr curation are allowing the Egypt scene to play out before our very eyes. ¬†With such vivid imagery pouring in, it ¬†would be irresponsible for Washington to downplay events and maintain a distanced posture. ¬†As a result, we’re witnessing a subtle shifting of the U.S. position, with officials declining to articulate explicit support for Mubarak.

As the revolution wears on, updates from the ground will continue to pour in and no doubt, affect US action. ¬†What better democratic force than civilians yielding a direct say on governmental policy? ¬†Who cares if it’s in less than 140 characters? Social media did not create the Egypt uprising, but it certainly made everything happen much sooner.