Posts tagged “relationships

Day 20: Singlehood and (in)Dependence

Many of my friends are in relationships. It didn’t occur to me exactly how many until today, when I was talking to my Mom about my plans to visit a friend and her boyfriend. They’ve found jobs in the same city and now live close enough to see each other regularly.

“Are you jealous of her?” she asked.

“Jealous? That she lives in San Francisco and has a stable job?”, figuring that if I had to go on the defensive about my employment and living choices once again, I might as well beat her to the punch.

“No,” she sighed. “She has a boyfriend she can see all the time. You don’t. Aren’t you…lonely?”

Subtlety is not her niche. I’ve been prodded by my Mom about my weight, intellect, and inability to cook before. But hearing her hint at my loneliness was possibly one of the most piercing truths my single 23-year old self has heard in a long, long time.

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I’ve dated and been in quasi-relationships before, but nothing serious. It’s not that I’m against relationships. And it’s not even like I’m one of those girls with absurdly high standards, waiting for “the one”. I have no checkbox criteria.

To the chagrin of feminists, Cameron Diaz made headlines for saying, “I think every woman does want to be objectified. There’s a little part of you at all times that hopes to be somewhat objectified, and I think it’s healthy.” I couldn’t agree more.

I think the reason I’m still single is precisely because I don’t think about it a lot, despite how it’s now made increasingly apparent by my mother and number of committed friends.

I’ve been called independent, intimidating, asexual even? So, let me make this clear. I’m none of that. Maybe a little independent, but not to the point where I want to stand solitary for the rest of my life. I also don’t mind being objectified. I love my body; straight men probably do too, and I feel empowered by that. I am single, straight, and willing to mingle. But in the right ways. Ultimately, I value certain things in life including God, my time, career, and dignity. Anyone who unnaturally imposes on any of these I probably won’t be able to comfortably date or be in a relationship with.

Some have said that my somewhat fickle relationship complex may be a sign of something deeper. By never being taken seriously as a child, I’m now trying to overcompensate by acting like super independent woman. Perhaps. But enough psychoanalyzing. All I know is that when the right person comes, everything else in life should flow seamlessly. There are no doubts, little compromise, niente stress. I don’t think that’s too high of a standard. Until then, I will continue enjoying my (in)dependence.

And Mom, no jealously on my part. The third wheel on a tricycle is the best part.

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Day 9: Social Blitz

I look at my calendar for this weekend and my head swarms. There are visitors galore – all cool people who I want to see – and I plan to see as many of them as possible.  However, I can’t help but get slightly anxious, knowing that running from one social engagement to the next will prevent me from fully focusing and achieving excellence in my output.

Here’s the thing. Success boils down to two things: relationships and execution. These go hand-in-hand: building relationships provides links that can help you execute. But both take time. When one starts to dominate, the other will weaken. It’s simple logic. So, how do you craft a perfect balance so you can be a good friend, yet also get shit done? (and exercise and 8 hours of sleep)

I’ve never doubted my ability to maintain connections because I naturally place a high premium on relationships. But the trick now is not allowing it to affect the quality of my work. When it does, it’s time for balance to be restored.

Tonight I had a delightful dinner with a friend. I was home before 10 pm (the first time this week). I was able to bang out a few emails, write this post, and now I’m eagerly looking forward to cuddling up to my new read: ‘By Invitation Only: How We Built Gilt and Changed the Way Millions Shop ‘. I’ll learn about e-commerce and flash sales. Or I’ll just sleep. Either way, this is my version of balance.

 

To add to the social blitz, it’s a #MOWAweekend. If you don’t understand what that means, check out www.mowa.me, and get invited.